Tranquility Before Despair
Love. Admiration. Excitement. Fatigue. Shock. Overwhelmed. These are all words that described my state of mind during DJ’s birth and our hospital stay. Ishtar was unbelievably tired but so unbelievably strong throughout the entire birth process. Now she needed to recover after such a difficult labor. Peaceful, quiet, joyful are the words that described our first evening with our son as we held him in our arms and watched him with adulation.
I witnessed the most beautiful love, care and determination from Ishtar as she worked with lactation consultants in her breastfeeding journey with DJ. Call me naïve, but I didn’t know that babies needed to learn how to eat, coordinating, suck, swallow, breathe motions that are so natural for all of us. But I suppose all of us were there at some point. I also learned that a baby being born and the events following are nothing like how it is depicted in the entertainment or even the new parent class we took. They only show those few tender moments while cutting out all of the important details, details that show that being a parent is more than just holding a baby.
Interrupted sleep, frequent check ups for Ishtar and DJ and visitors all brought excitement for the new baby but also fatigue for us. By the end of our hospital stay, DJ was checked from head to toe for any abnormalities. We were tasked with two things to do when we left the hospital, schedule a visit to introduce DJ to his pediatrician office and schedule a cardiology visit to diagnose a heart murmur the hospital pediatrician observed. Ishtar was feeling better after a couple days as well and we were eager to go back home. We were filled with bliss and exited to start our new life with DJ as we left the hospital.
Before we even left the hospital, we already scheduled two doctors appointments for DJ the day after we were released. The first was a visit to cardiology to diagnose his heart murmur. The second appointment was to meet the pediatrician. As DJ lay on a hospital bed, he was underwent an electrocardiogram and echocardiogram to get images of how his heart looked and functioned. As DJ’s cardiologist, Dr. Yin, explained what was causing DJ’s heart murmur, Ishtar, with her medical background was able to take it all in. With my technology background, I found myself a bit overwhelmed with all the medical jargon. DJ was diagnosed with a moderately sized ventricular septal defect (VSD). Dr. Yin did a great job explaining what that meant in layman’s terms. The left and right ventricles of the heart, normally two separate chambers with two separate functions, were connected by a small hole in DJ’s heart. It certainly isn’t something that new parents want to hear or is even ready to hear one day after being released from the hospital. However, we were told that DJ’s VSD was not a cause of concern at the moment and that as he grew, it was possible that the hole could close without outside intervention. In our own research, we also found that it was common for VSDs to resolve on their own. Dr. Yin told us to keep an eye on DJ but to treat him no differently to other babies without a VSD at this time. I took this as a good sign and put it in the back of my memory. The second appointment of the day to meet the pediatrician was a pretty standard visit with no surprises.
Adjusting to home life with DJ was a learning experience. We were fortunate to have my mom take care of Ishtar and I while we were making the adjustment. While the first week at home with DJ included three different doctors appointments, we were able to enjoy some wonderful family time and bonding with DJ. Those tender moments in the middle of the night, gently holding him and watching him dream feed, these moments are the ones they show in training classes and entertainment. Having no circadian rhythm yet, DJ was also frequently wide awake in the middle of the night as I held him and paraded around the house admiring him, speaking and singing to him, until he would fall asleep again. We went out on a warm summer morning for our first walk together as a family at a local park. DJ met his grandma and grandpa already in the hospital but also got to meet his Uncle Phil and Aunt Sara. We were all in love with our new little addition to the family.
Having difficulty with breast feeding, Ishtar decided to hire a lactation consultant to come to our home. During that appointment, she noticed that DJ didn’t have the best side to side tongue movement and diagnosed him with a lip and tongue tie. She assured us that this is an easy fix and referred us to a pediatric dentist. Just one week after being released from the hospital, DJ had a minor surgery to resolve his lip and tongue tie. This procedure is a very minor procedure performed in the pediatric dental office and only took a few minutes. DJ was very brave through it all. Our only instructions were to provide him a little Tylenol for pain management and to stimulate the areas that received the surgery so the lip and tongue tie don’t reconnect.
On a quiet Monday evening, Ishtar and I were just enjoying our family time with DJ by our side. DJ has just had his dental surgery earlier that day. We were watching the NBA Finals and the Milwaukee Bucks ended up winning the NBA Championship. We developed a good rhythm for DJ’s feeds and ourselves over the course of our first week home. Everything was normal when we went to sleep that night, until it wasn’t. Shaken awake by my panicked wife, Ishtar said that it looked like DJ was breathing abnormally fast. Upon closer look, it certainly looked like he was huffing and puffing even in a calm and resting state. A call to our pediatrician’s on call hotline told us to bring him to the emergency room. In the early hours of July 20, 2021, just eleven days after birth, we were bringing our newborn son to the emergency room, unsure what to expect, nervous for what was to come.
DJ sleeping adorably in his Love To Dream Swaddle Up sleep sack.
Learning about the Moro reflex which causes babies to flail around was very interesting. DJ had times where he would startle himself awake unless he was swaddled tightly. This swaddle was such a great tool in helping DJ sleep and stay asleep. He used this until he outgrew it. Regular swaddles were something that he figured out how to break out of even as a very young infant.
